Ok, I am definitely not Rita Hayworth. However, I have an affinity for the movie The Shawshank Redemption. It is my escape, my happy pill when I find myself wondering what is going on in the Mind of Shoo. I can’t explain why I enjoy the movie so much. Nor can I explain why watching it really helps me out of the dark days life brings my way. Perhaps its the friendship between Andy and Red that makes me smile. Maybe it is how brilliant Andy was in fooling everyone during the years he carved his way out of prison. Maybe because the movie mirrors my life in the many ways:
The prison holds my mind. The large stone walls seemingly rising to the heavens. So many thoughts awaiting parole. Housed so long within the aging walls, often silent, always haunting me in the darkness of my cell.
I feel like Andy Dufresne. I am charged with a crime, which in my case is alcoholism. However I am innocent. I was not the alcoholic. But I am the one sentenced to life. Just for being part of dysfunctional upbringing. It is this upbringing that keeps me imprisoned. I, like Andy, have my moments of joy or feeling free. Like on the roof of the plate factory or listening to opera. I have my hobbies. They are numerous and varied. I have my friends, everchanging over time.
Boggs and the sisters are the characteristics that Adult Children of Alcoholic Parents suffer. As we go through our everyday life, they are there watching my every move. Waiting for the right moment to pounce. To take me against my will. Sometimes I fight them and win. Often I just give in. I am still waiting for Office Handley to rid me of these ugly character faults for good. To beat them to submission never to bother me again.
Speaking of Office Handley, I had him in the form of my father. His baton was alcohol. Using it to inflict damage both mentally or physically. Easily flying off the handle at the slightest issue. Often, he had no soul.
And I have time. Time to slowly tunnel away through rock in an effort to be free. To be free of the chaos that haunts me. Time to manipulate the world around me so I am achieve a successful breakout of my own demons that have been holding me all these years. Like Andy, I silently plan while I’m playfully outgoing and friendly. Concerning. Seeking knowledge. Waiting for my day to crawl through the sewage of life and land safely on a beautiful beach. Free from my past. Forever.
Finally, like Andy I have hope. As he writes Red in the movie, “Hope is a good thing. Maybe the best of things. And no good things ever dies.” I’m waiting for my Red. Whoever that may be. I’m patient, like Andy Dufresne. And hopeful
Till we meet again. Enjoy the movie.
Mind of Shoo