I am a Literary Giant

I have exhausted all avenues.  My pile of rejection letters can account for its very own forest.  I have tried all genres.  

Poetry:

Rose are red violets are blue.  My writing smells like poo!

Or what about something deep.

Like this:

The raven flew above the home of those who are suffering.

Circling like a draft that swirls like the mind of someone in pain.

Those who suffer are not suffering but only feeling a pain that is not really there.  

Smile.  The sun is shining into your soul.

Oh yea!  Now that is deep.  Can you see the earth’s core from your spot next to that poem?  Bet you can!

Ok, lets try fiction:

My phone rings unexpectedly.  I answer with a quick “HELLO.” 

“Mr. Shoo, this is Aaron Priestly from the Aaron M. Priestly Literary Agency.  I stumbled across one of your stories on your blog.  The one about the guy who gets the girl and beats up the boy who had the girl. You know the one! Excellent writing.  Suspenseful!  You are a literary genius. I’d like to sign you to our agency.”

Wake up loser!  Your genius is getting people to waste time reading your crap.

How about speech writing:

“Our nation is at a crossroads.  Like one of our great leaders once said, if you can’t stand the heat, get out of the oven. We are in a time of crisis.  When the going get tough, the tough go.  Our nation is one of division.  Long division.  And we have all failed math.  Expect for Bill Gates. And Lebron James. Pay your damn taxes and shut up.”

Wow! Where is Winston Churchill when you need him?  Or Martin Luther King. If that speech doesn’t get our ass in gear what will.

Want more.  Than stay tuned!  This blog is headed in the write direction.  You get it, right?  Or is that write?  Huh? Well you know what I mean.  My righting is improving. 

Like this.  Comment on this! Follow me.  I will be a literary giant!

This attempt at dry humor was written for Trifecta; Week sixty-five.

Using this week’s one-word prompt:

EXHAUST (transitive verb)
1a : to consume entirely : use up <exhausted our funds in a week>
b : to tire extremely or completely <exhausted by overwork>
c : to deprive of a valuable quality or constituent <exhaust a photographic developer>
2a : to draw off or let out completely
b : to empty by drawing off the contents; specifically : to create a vacuum in
3a : to consider or discuss (a subject) thoroughly or completely  

Please remember:
  • Your response must be between 33 and 333 words.
  • You must use the 3rd definition of the given word in your post.
  • The word itself needs to be included in your response.
  • You may not use a variation of the word; it needs to be exactly as stated above.
  • Only one entry per writer.
  • Trifecta is open to everyone.  Please join us.

Lost Confidence. Need Help!

I started this blog to communicate with fellow ACoAs and it has turned into more of a writing blog.  And I am ok with that.  I have enjoyed the many different prompts and what has spilled onto the pages of this blog because of them.  I have enjoyed the camaraderie of fellow bloggers and the support they have given this newbie.  

However, I have few issues going on simultaneously.  Here is a little about each.

Confidence.  

What little I have is lost.  Perhaps I left it at CVS.  Perhaps at work.  Maybe even in the plumber’s butt crack.  If I had to guess, it is deep in the bowels of that large crevasse that was working on the sink!  Never to been seen again by the human species.  How do I retrieve it?  It was so small to begin with, a transplant from Who-ville!  At times it grew but mostly it stayed ever so small or shrunk even more! Imagine that, me with confidence in my writing!  So many jokes could be placed here.  Can I get some help from the local police?  Or Seal Team 6?  HELP!

Like

Secondly, everyone says they “like” the things I write.  But my mind questions “Do they really?”   I guess at times I’d like more constructive criticism.  Is that not proper blog etiquette?  Is there something I am missing?  Someday I’d someone to say” I don’t like it cause…..”, well you fill in the blank.  Heck, just fill it in with cause it’s shit!  I can accept that, maybe!  Well, that might make me lose my small amount of confidence (again) in the black crack of doom (see above).  Do people just say they like it to be cordial?  Help me here!  Be for reals!  

Who do I listen to?king

There are so many different items to read about improving your writing out in the world.  Whether is in print or in the vastness of the web.  Who do I believe?  So many varying opinions whether from writers who earned millions to the person who had one poem published in some obscure poetry site.  I wrote a post about Stephen King’s book “On Writing” recently (HERE IT IS), which by the way I thought was well done.  The book was a great read and I did learn some.  Now I have not read much SK but chose him as an example cause I had his book.  So my question, what advice to you adhere to and what books will make a positive difference in your writing?  Or do you just write? Write what comes out of our brain and hope someone out there likes what spills out?

I know my audience is small.  If I don’t enter a prompt very few even read my post.   However, I have enjoyed the two months of writing.  It is nice to finally have someone read some of the thoughts spilling out this confused mind of mine.

Till we meet again.

Good Day.

Mind of Shoo

Elevator Behavior

I had the inspiration to write about riding in elevators while watching Taylor Swift’s video for “Ours” this morning.   This is very different from anything I have written for this challenge.  Not sure it will work.  Just an observation of elevator behavior I have noticed over the years written in 333 words.  Lots of these behaviors can be seen in the video and she even mentions something about the silence in the song.  The video made me giggle.

I entered on the first floor for my journey to the heavens.  I take the spot next to the buttons to select people’s destination.  I ask politely “what floor are you headed?”  In silence, each person individually steps forward and pressed the own button.  “Ok,” I think, then make my selection. The ritual of stopping and adding people continues for a few floors.  Along our journey skyward, our box accumulates an eclectic group crowded  in the proverbial sardine can.  A gentleman in a nice suit and brief case, the secretary dressed in a low button shirt and a short skirt. A maintenance man in his grey jumpsuit with a tool box.  Each press their own numbered button then stands as far from one another as they possibly can without touching the nearest person.  The smell of various odors ranging from sexy Victory Secret perfume to the foul smell of cigarettes with a little after shave throw in the mix.  What an odd world created with each elevator ride.

Being in an elevator shows very unusual human interaction.  It is void of words spoken and silence only broken with an occasional sniffling nose or clearing of ones throat.  No one dares touch the person next to them. Each is as rigid as the cable pulling the elevator upward.  No one looks around. Each person stares ahead into oblivion or most commonly at the numbers over the door as if they are viewing an angel hovering above the crowd.  Is this universal behavior of an elevator ride?  When the elevator finally comes to a halt and you hear ding of the opening door, the crowd rushes out as forceful as the summer waters raging from the mouth of the Mississippi into the gulf.  Each bolt quickly in every direction for their days work knowing later in the afternoon, the journey begins again.  This time, headed downward toward the depths of hell.  Maybe the silence will be broken by haunting laugh of Vincent Price.  

This was written for Trifecta Writing Challenge Week Sixty-Two.

1a : the natural opening through which food passes into the body of an animal and which in vertebrates is typically bounded externally by the lips and internally by the pharynx and encloses the tongue, gums, and teeth
b : grimace <made a mouth>
c : an individual requiring food <had too many mouths to feed>
2a : voice, speech
b : mouthpiece
3: something that resembles a mouth especially in affording entrance or exit: as
Please remember:
  • Your response must be between 33 and 333 words.
  • You must use the 3rd definition of the given word in your post.
  • The word itself needs to be included in your response.
  • You may not use a variation of the word; it needs to be exactly as stated above.
  • Only one entry per writer.
  • Trifecta is open to everyone.  Please join us.

Writers Challenge; Map it Out

This exercise is for the Daily Prompt Writing Challenge Map it Out.  Yeah yeah, I am a day late.  Story of my life!

10 REASONS I SHOULD BE CHOSEN AS THE COMMENCEMENT SPEAKER FOR HARVARD CLASS OF SPRING 2013

1.  I have never been to Boston.  How about a free flight and hotel for me to see your historic city!

2.  I hate the NE Patriots.  But a high school friend of mine Orlando business sold the Patriots a jib, whatever the heck that is!  SEE PICTURE  Also, since I mentioned the Patriots, I once owned a Remington electric razor!

3. I  am just like the friend in Goodwill Hunting.  Not the smart kid or the ones whose last name is Affleck.  The other one. You remember him right?   Except I don’t smoke.

4. I Love Conan O’Brien!  And I have seen many Matt Damon movies.  See above example of one.  And I like 70s Aerosmith, when there were doing heavy drugs.  Not that crap they play now.

5. If you take my ACT score and multiple it by 2, I meet your minimum requirements!

6. I once owned a pair of red sox.

7. The Celtics color is green.  What a coincidence, it’s my favorite color of all time!  Well, 2nd favorite color actually.  Ok, I lied.  I hate that shade of green!

8. I wasn’t at the Boston Tea Party, put while I was in college boy did I PARTY!

9.  I have been a life long member of facebook! Hmmm…how long has it been around?

10.  Why in the #*%@ not chose me, I’m Cajun!

This came to mind after watching Conan O’Brien’s commencent speech to Darmouth in 2011.  Found on You Tube HERE.  Extremely funny and well written, with a wonderful lesson thrown in there as well.

Till we meet again.  Good Day

Mind of Shoo