My friend if dying. This was a message sent to me by his younger sister last week. It is not surprising. He has been in a nursing home for 10 years now with advance MS. I knew this message would eventually arrive in some form. It came through a message on facebook. I thought I was ready for it. But now that it has come I don’t really know.
I have known this friend from second grade. We are currently both 51 yrs old. We used to be separated by a couple of miles and lots of sugar cane. Now we are separated by a few hundred miles and a couple of states. I visit him whenever I am visit my little hometown in south Louisiana. The last visit I was told in advance he no long could speak….only listen. So I spent the whole drive to Louisiana coming up with things I would say in this one sided conversation. His sister tells me none of his friends visit so he would be thrilled to see me. It is difficult meeting him in this condition. I wonder what he is thinking as I yap about old times and update him on my family. I talk what feels like to myself then I leave. Will I have a chance to comeback? Or is this it? It is difficult turning my back and walking out.
I feel guilty that I am living a normal life. I wonder why he was given this set of circumstances. It all seems so wrong. It is hard to comprehend.
My friend is dying. And I don’t feel like much of a friend. I just want things to be normal. I feel selfish in my thoughts.
Honestly, I don’t know how to feel. All I feel is empty.
I recently drove through a McDonald’s drive thru to purchase a cheeseburger. I was behind a gentleman who I watched being handed a bag with his purchase inside. He drove off and stopped a few feet afterwards at the garbage can strategically placed along the exit. It was there that he threw away the bag that just seconds ago held his goodies. Seconds! The life of the bag was only seconds. “How odd” I thought. Someone made that bag and its function lasted only seconds. I am not sure how I feel about that!
I don’t know the process of making a bag and the imprint that is added. I am certain that there are quite a few people along that process that feed their family cause of this bag and the millions like it. And that is a good thing. But the life and use of that bag lasted only seconds! Let me stress this…it was literally seconds! Was it really necessary? What are the other options? Who is responsible to be more responsible concerning our natural resources? Is it the company who hands out the bag or the party receiving the bag? How much money could McDonald’s save if they didn’t hand out a bag with every meal? I don’t have an answer….only questions.
I drove forward and the employee was there with a smile and a thank you as he handed me my bag with my newly purchased cheeseburger inside. I politely told him I didn’t need the bag and only wanted the burger. He followed my request with a confused look on his face. I grabbed my burger and off I drove without stopping at the trash can. And for this I felt good. Perhaps I helped something. What, I really don’t know. Maybe I only helped myself. Perhaps the environment. Perhaps I saved McD’s a few cents. I really kinda don’t understand the need for a bag in most circumstances nor the results if we used less of them.
What would you have done? Have you ever thought of how many bags only last a few seconds? Food for thought…….but with no bag please!
Until the day I die, I’ll never forget those glassy unblinking eyes. Deep and haunting. Surrounded by the blood pouring down her forehead. Her left hand reaching for my forearm as I work feverishly to undo her seat belt. Her breathing is laboring, a gargling sound with each heave of her chest. My mind races with the endless possibilities I am currently facing. I find myself in this perilous situation alone on a long stretch of south Louisiana country road in near total darkness. Her phone, still in her right hand, provides me with the only light inside the car. It lights up with every text received from someone who is a total stranger to me. “911!” I think as I pull myself from inside her window and reach in my pocket for my phone. I run my finger across the screen to unlock it. The light now reveals my home screen streaked with her blood and the zero coverage sign on the top bar. “Shit, what do I do?” I say out loud. I look both directions on the highway and see the beautiful stars among the large oak trees towering above us. “The heavens” I think briefly. The sound of movement inside the car reminds me of the grave situation I find myself in. I stick my body inside and feel her chest rise against my ear as I reach for the seat belt a second time. I hear that deep gargle sound again and a faint “I don’t want to die.” She she is aware of the situation. “How do the hell I help her?” I think as I wrestle with the seat belt. I am just a 16 year old farm boy returning home from my grandmothers house when I stumbled into this awful situation. Now, in what seems like only seconds since I arrived, a life before me is slipping away in front my very eyes. I take a deep breath as the seat belt finally unfastens. My brain finally registers the smell of burned rubber, gasoline and alcohol. “What do I do?” I yell as I again pull myself from inside the window. I attempt to open the door to the car to no avail. “Miss! Miss!” I say in a panicked voice. “Can you hear me?” The only response I receive is yet another laboring breath. My mind goes blank. Suddenly I hear a man telling me to get in my car and drive to the next house for help. I oblige and race to a farm house about two miles south of the accident. I quickly exit my car and run to the front door. I knock vigorously. “I need help!” I yell into the door. I hear footsteps between my gasping breath. I look at my feet as the door opens and the light from within shines upon me. As my eyes slowly work their way from my feet to my shirt and dangling arms I notice I am covered in blood. I hurriedly tell the man of the situation as he hurriedly pulls me inside the foyer. He yells to his wife, still out of sight to me, to call 911 while he quickly puts his boots on. “You stay here with my wife while I head to the scene.” My body trembles as I notice the injured lady’s handprint on my blood covered forearm. The farmer’s wife calls me into the living room where she ask for the number to call my parents. I stood in silence waiting for their arrival.
Now, two days later I stand next to this painting in the hallway of the town funeral home. I am staring at it intensely oblivious to my current surroundings. I am here at the request of the parents of Shelia Dowling, the young lady I tried to assist on that dark country road. The funeral home employee has gone to tell them of my arrival. I am scared beyond belief. I don’t know anything about her injuries or eventual passing. I didn’t read about the accident though my mother told me it was on page two of the daily paper and the internet. I feel just as helpless as I did that night. If I leave these men in the painting and walk down the hallway I will certainly see the body of the lady I struggled alone to help. I have never seen a dead body before. “What do I say to them?” I think to myself. I was absolutely NO help to their daughter. And I know no one here. I am alone. My mind not able to erase the vision Shelia’s eyes accompanied by the sounds of her struggling for air. I am shaking as the parents approach me. The employee quietly introduces us. “Micheal, meet Evelyn and Sterling Dowling. They are Shelia’s parents and are very happy that you came today.”
Mr. Dowling is the first to extend his hand for mine. As we shake hands I look at the face of Mrs. Evelyn and notice the red cheeks and swollen eyes. After my hand is freed, I reach out and hug her. In a trembling voice I say “I am so sorry.” I then let out a river of tears accompanied by my loud wailing as if it was my own family member loss that evening. I feel the father’s hand on my back and here his words “We are so proud how brave you were to offer help to our daughter. I am sure your presence gave her much comfort and for that we are forever grateful.” Mrs. Eveyln held me tightly and stroked my back. “Wipe your tears Michael,” she says calmly. “You are a wonderful young man and I wish you nothing but the best in your future. You will forever be in our thoughts and prayers.” I wiped my face with a kleenex offered by the funeral home worker. The visit is brief. The mother kisses me on the cheek and says thank you once again. I promptly turn around and walk out into the hot and humid Louisiana air. As i walk to my car, I understand that I was forever changed. I will be forever connected to Sheila Dowling though we only came into contact for five minutes of my sixteen plus years on this planet. I will never forget her. I hope to meet her again.
This work of fiction was written for The Speak Easy #162 at Yeah Write
The yelling stopped. Then I heard loud footsteps and the living room door slam shut.
I sat up in bed as the family car started up and quickly drove away. I stared at my candle as it flickeredspastically at its end. Suddenly darkness engulfed the room. I slowly lay back down and heard the faint sound of my mother crying. My heart sank and my body became numb. I felt powerless as I heard words through her tears.
“Why? Why God? Answer me dammit! Why?”
Yelling and crying was nearly a nightly occurrence through my youth. But I never heard her talk to herself before that night. Soon after I fell asleep I was awakened suddenly by my mother.
“Let’s go Joshua. Don’t ask any questions.”
God must have answered her that evening. We never went back home.
As a young kid, Marty and his mama spent weekend nights in rural southern bars listening to dad play with his band. As a teen he learned to play under countless hours of alcohol-induced instruction and degrading comments from his dad.
The family went through financial hardship. There was no playing catch in the back yard. No family nights huddled by the radio. Divorce left young Marty alone with his dad in a run down shack on the edge of town. Through it all, music bonded the two of them like chords and lyrics do a song.
Marty went on to become a successful musician. He played on stages around the world. It brought him financial stability. However, his greatest joy was playing alongside his dad in the smokey bars back home.
Her father laughed uncontrollably as he sipped his beer then gently placed the can on the arm of the chair. Jeanie didn’t dare look up at him from her spot under the cushions. With her eyes closed she prayed while pondering the laugh. Was it a laugh of anger coming from him? Or simply a playful laugh of a loving father? Jekyl and Hyde was the daily game she played her father.
He grabbed the beer can and chugged what was left then tossed it aside. She now understood the inevitable. Slowly she peered from behind the cushion and glanced up at the monster above.
Life has grabbed me and almost sufficated me. However, I believe I have come out of it and dying to write here again. I took a full time job and it too my writing away from me. I missed it way too much so I recently quit and starting working part time shipping items across the country on U Ship. My hopes are that I can get back to writing again. Writing truely brought me peace and some happiness. I missed that dearly.